Eurovision Song Contest: the first semi-final

If I were to describe tonight's semi-final in one word, that word would be "boring". It wasn't good enough to enjoy and it wasn't bad enough to have fun with. Let's break it down:

The show started with a rather good rendition of last year's winning song by Måns Zelmerlöw, who also co-hosted the show along with Petra Mede. Some indifferent banter between the hosts and then it was time for the first contestant.

The lady from Finland looked very athletic. In fact she was wearing what looked like a track suit and her choreography closely resembled a workout session. As for the song: it's only been a few minutes since the end of the show and I can't even remember what it sounded like. Neither did the voters: it didn't get through.

Greece was next. There was definitely something not right with this. It was like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle using pieces from three different ones: naturally, nothing fits. The voters seemed to agree: it was no-go for Greece, the first time ever that it failed to move through to the final.

Moldava presented us with a Lolita type singing to a tin-foil-covered dancer. Yawn! Failed to pass to the final.

Finally, an interesting song, sung by a very interesting man, Freddie with no last name. (In the past, I used to meet dozens of men with no last name. Oh, youth!). Compared to the promotional video, there was no fire and the Tibetan monk was replaced by a Game Of Thrones extra. Still, it was good enough and indeed, it got through to the final.

Croatia's singer decided that she wanted to emulate Bjork, both as a singer and as a fashion icon. I guess this is the reason that she came out dressed as a forest and in the middle of the song removed her foliage and became a kitchen appliance instead. Still, the song and the vocals were not bad - and Bjork's spirit helped Croatia move to the final.

Then came my favorite entry of the night: the song from the Netherlands. Reminiscent of 70s Pop, sung by a very likeable singer, just his guitar and backing musicians - no gimmicks. Naturaly, it got through to the final.

The singer and song from Armenia were good. My only objection was her attire: if she absolutely had to dress as a spider, why choose to go as a black widow? A tarantula would've been more appropriate. The voters didn't seem to mind the dress, so the song proceded to the final.

San Marino had the distinction of presenting us with the worst song of the night: a chorus of tin-foil girls cooing, while a sleazy old man tried to seduce them with a song vaguely set on a Disco beat. The voters said thanks, but no thanks!

The betting favorite followed: Russia, represented by that most inspiring man, Sergey, went all out. A spectacular performance with impressive visual f/x, which had Sergey floating in space. In fact, it was a better performance that the song was worth. Also, my partner and I both agreed: he should have taken off his shirt. Perhaps he's saving it for the final. Because, of course he passed.

For the entry of the Czech Republic, I'll just copy the notes I scribbled while watching the show: an interesting ballad, adequately presented. A pleasant performer, yet another uninspired choice of dress. That was enough to pass through to the finals, the first time ever for the Czech Republic.

Cyprus' theme seemed to be that of a bunch of hardened criminals, who managed to break out of jail to form a Bon Jovi revival band. They scared the voters enough to vote for them into the final.

Then came Austria, represented by the lost Von Trapp daugther, who, wanting to show off how cosmopolitan she was, sung her sickly sweet song in French. The voters fell for the trick, or were dazzled by her perfect white teeth, or perhaps her pink princess dress and matching floral backdrop. Anyway, she's now in the final. Since her song was the only one of those who passed that we didn't present yesterday (we got 9 out of 10, yeay!), here it is:

Estonia was next: the singer set off my gaydar. It seems that as a young boy he had a high voice and was made to practice in the girls' choir, so when he grew up he over-compensated by developing a deep, throaty voice. His song, however, was desperately in search of an identity. The voters seemed to think so too. It's goodbye to Jüri and Estonia.

Azerbaijan gave us a dark-haired girl in a lamé pantsuit, singing an OK song with a kitschy presentation. Not my cup of tea, but it was good enough for the voters.

Montenegro tried to channel Jim Steinman, but they channeled Steinman's nightmare instead. A feeble attempt at a Rock song, it failed to convince.

Iceland was the only one of the songs that I presented yesterday that didn't proceed to the final. It was a good performance, with lots of visual f/x, but the song was of the "been there, done that" variety and that was probably the reason that it failed to go through.

The entry from Bosnia & Herzegovina was the 2nd worst of the evening. They used internment camp imagery, the male singer was dressed like an military officer, while the female singer was dressed like a Valkyrie. There was also a Balkan rapper and a cello player. Was there a song? I don't remember. Neither did the voters.

Finally the entry from Malta: it was a so-so song, but the fact that the singer was very generous with images of her busom and legs, may have swayed impressionable voters to vote for her.

Pay attention, Sergey from Russia and Freddie from Hungary! Take lessons from Ira and seduce us in Saturday's final. I'm sure that it won't hurt you...